Who are you, really? | #THINKINGHUES
Why are we so obsessed with labels? Is there a better way?
What does it mean to exist as your most authentic self? I ask this question a lot as many moments throughout my life externally imposed and self-inflicted labels often stifled my journey of true self-exploration.
Whether they were from culture, society, or societal expectations, it seem as if I needed to conform to these labels to earn my place in the world. Love felt conditional; belonging felt like it was tied to how well I could fit the expectations. Stereotypes felt like the only way I could identify myself, whether they were advantageous or detrimental. I didn’t know how else to be— for a long time I didn’t know who I was.
The problem with not having the language to identify yourself is how those empty spaces will be filled by someone else.
Whether it was being the youngest of three, learning how best to behave as a girl, to embrace my natural athletic spirit, or the tomboy in me. In my school days, I was both a jock, yet also a drama kid. I was terrible at Maths but excellent in History and English. There were classes I did terrible at and classes I was a straight-A student in. It never felt like I fit in with the stereotypes. But somehow I tried to find my sense of belonging my shapeshifting.
Growing up I didn’t used to question too much, my introverted tendencies led me to navigate the world more passively— accepting what I was dictated with little to no resistance. The problem with not having your own language to identify yourself is how those empty spaces will be filled by someone else. It was at times, lonely and often overwhelming to always feel like I was always falling short of the identities I thought I had to fulfil.
While labels can help us articulate our identities, they become problematic when they bind us too tightly. Labels can act as reflective tools and advantageous mirrors to the values we uphold, but there’s also the slippery slope of becoming too attached to them, or to find comforts in the definitions of someone else. Unable to manoeuvre independently, relying on another voice felt more comfortable.
How many of your labels were chosen for you, rather than volunteered? It’s often those who defy traditional labels, the mavericks amongst us who create commotion in challenging the status quo that find it most difficult to settle into distinct labels because it feels too limiting.
There’s no right or wrong way but only your way. You are always on your own timeline.
But for a moment, think back to who you were at thirteen or eighteen, or at twenty-one. How were you then, how are you today, and how have you changed? What about in your thirties or forties? How much have you grown? How much will you grow? Will your preferences evolve? I certainly hope so. Have your opinions shifted? I doubt anyone goes through life without it. Are you the same person you were ten years ago or even a year ago? Let’s be honest, the variations of transitions a person can endure throughout a lifetime are immense. There’s no right or wrong way, but only your way. You are always changing and you are always on your own timeline— your labels should evolve alongside your many expected evolutions.
Change is inherent to life itself, yet society sometimes penalises those who evolve, especially those who seemingly change beyond the norms. As if growth is a crime to shame. But personal growth is part of humanity’s narrative, wouldn’t you agree?
Your journey, the way you adapt and grow, shapes not only your immediate reality but also the rest of the world. While some might resist your evolution, clinging to the familiar for comforts of how they want to know you, just remember personal innovation isn’t reserved for technology— it’s about nurturing thriving in yourself too.
Growth always benefits everyone around you, including the greater world at large. As you strive to be better versions of yourself, your collective impact becomes even more profound. So, as you explore and challenge your beliefs, anticipate new facets of yourself to emerge. The journey to your most authentic self, while intimate, has ripples that can touch many.
True authenticity lies in the labels you consciously choose.
Ironically, in a world that celebrates change, societal labels remain rigid. The stereotypes that have been learned through culture, society, and the legacies of the past attempt to capture the essence of individual complexities, but they often fall short.
True authenticity lies in the labels you consciously choose, through relentless investigation, devoid of external assignment or pressures. It’s not about earning your place in the world, it’s about validating, praising and celebrating yourself instead. Even so, these self-chosen labels can also sometimes still be influenced by the undercurrents of societal norms and biases, so the task is to stay vigilant in your awareness of how you label yourself— most importantly know which values and beliefs they are rooted in.
When you contemplate your identity, think about who you are in solitude, away from the noise of society’s opinions. Far from the judgements of others— who are you? Who are you when no one is looking? Who are you when you don’t care about what the world thinks of you? Who are you when you are alone? These answers are what most likely reveal the real you.
Labels feel limiting and shallow, especially when trying to encapsulate the entirety of your lived experiences.
I can only imagine the various evolutions I still have to endure. I have a lifetime waiting, yet, whether these labels are a fixation on myself or others, there’s also a sense of rigidness that’s felt when trying to identify through labels. Labels feel limiting and shallow, especially when trying to encapsulate the entirety of your lived experiences, felt emotions, challenging obstacles, and triumphant milestones throughout your lifetime.
Labels can be convenient too, yet the simplicity often feels too narrow. What’s more curious are the whys behind the labels you describe yourself with. As what’s underneath every definition are the vivid stories that inform of not only the depth of who you are but the richness of your beliefs, values, interests, and so much more. You are complex. So, maybe, it’s not about asking who you are after all, but more about what is your story? For the narratives of your lived experiences are what truly shapes your identities.
I no longer deny myself that freedom because figuring out who your most authentic self is, I believe, the single most important right I believe every person has. It’s revelations are not a given but a responsibility. The liberty to investigate and exist as your most authentic self is therefore more about owning your story.
NEVER MISS A POST…
Three newsletters to celebrate our paths to LIVE BEYOND.
#ANEWWITHTHEHUE is a weekly Saturday listicle that celebrates life, wellness, and everything in between.
#THINKINGHUES are philosophical introspections that dive into the meaning of authenticity, well-being, and a life well lived.
#THEHUE, is a weekly Friday share of The Happy Hue’s philosophies. A practical and reflective collection of wisdom and knowledge.
The Happy Hue is a reader-supported solo project. Please subscribe to support my work!
Here’s why I do what I do.
I create to equip and empower you toward your own transformations— this is a space for inspiration and insights.
Your support will mean a lot to me! Not only as an endorsement but also as an acknowledgement of our parallel journeys of growth and self-discovery.
“Healed people heal people”— unknown.
Why not join me in the effort?