Understanding the Inner Critic | #THINKINGHUES
Exploring the potential for freedom from self-sabotage and self-criticism.
There are moments in everyone’s lives where you seem to take five steps back instead of two. Those days where the voice in your head is irrationally cruel. The hours that go by while a voice barrages you with insults and makes you feel small. The minutes that pass without a gasp of air in sight, where your mind lingers in the torment. For some reason, a lot of us continue to choose to endure these harsh beatings. It’s an unfortunate universal human experience: to face the biting words of our own self-doubt– and it happens to the best of us. I’ve been there too.
Yet, the weight of this internal struggle varies across individuals. Some constantly grapple with this unforgiving voice, while others trudge through despite the relentless cruelty. While others seem to find ways to mute or even silence these voices, as they push ahead regardless of the bitter noise inside. But, make no mistake, no one is immune to these internal battles.
I sit here, wondering why these voices are so loud sometimes. Why hasn’t evolution pruned this self-destructive behaviour out of our psyche? If you’re hoping I have all the answers, I appreciate your faith in me. But, the truth is, the story of the inner critic and why it persists is multifaceted. Ask a psychologist and you’ll get a myriad of explanations and reasons for these complexities.
Though today, I’m not here to dwell on these self-imposed torments. Instead, remember two things: you’re not alone, and no matter how overwhelming it can feel sometimes, please know, that there’s always a way out of the quicksand of self-doubt and fear.
You don’t have to live with guilt or shame either, you just have to dare to believe that another way is possible. While in the moment it can feel impossible and while it’s also hard the journey, I promise, is worthwhile. I used to inhibit my own growth by settling in my fears. I wish I knew then, that the trap of perpetual unforgiving cruelty, of self-sabotage, fear, and doubts, is possible to step out of. But, this is the gift that’s waiting– liberation is possible.
Through the little more than three decades I’ve lived, much of it was in paralysing fear. Tortured by the spirals of my self-disdain, my worries sent me through a whirlwind of denial, leading me to stifle my own progress. There were other times I knew I was blocking my own potential, but I chose to settle into comforts over growth. While I allowed my harsh inner critic to dictate my reality, I saw glimmers of hope, in the moments when I soared, these were the moments that made me believe another mind was possible.
Whether your inner critic is dormant or lively and alive, there’s always another voice that’s waiting for its revival. It’s the voice that you were born with. The voice you had when you were a baby– the voice of confidence and self-love.
If you think of the purity of a baby; not even a toddler, as even toddlers can start to become jaded by the world, you will see the purity of joy that babies have in looking at themselves through a mirror. Watch this video or search on YouTube for babies looking at mirrors– and what you’ll notice is the endearing love babies have for themselves through their reflections. They are uncontrollably laughing, infectiously cheerful, and infinitely curious. In total rapture to engage with themselves and entertained by their own reflection.
I vividly remember a mirror my parents laid next to my crib. I recall the enthusiastic interactions I had with my reflection. However, I admit, whether this was a genuine memory or one formed from stories told to me is debatable. Yet, this early memory is a fixture in my mind— reminiscent of how kind I was to myself. It’s the memory that has kept my belief alive, that although my adult mind was sometimes cruel, I knew another mind was possible; one free from self-loathing and self-criticism.
Over the years, as I dove into the literature. I kept myself on this quest to realise this potential. I thought, if it was possible when I was a baby, it must be possible for me now; and once I learned of the growth mindset and neuroplasticity, I knew I found my path.
From these two concepts, I committed myself to the hard work I knew I had in store for me. I believed in the ability to change the conditions in my mind because that early memory gave me hope, but also because the latest science also supports my belief.
What I realise is this, every day grants a new chance at life. Every new moment is an opportunity to do better than I did before. Life’s treasures are found in the endless resilience to reach for your greatest potential. To exist as your highest self is the ultimate mission. Unbounded by the expectations of others, nor limited by society's rules, what is the truest and highest expression of yourself? This isn’t a question of being good or bad, but more about staying in touch with the truth of who you feel inside, as I believe, every human started out good and pure.
This is the pursuit I am so intrigued by. It’s the adventure of a lifetime, as after any setback, through any disappointment, the next moment you have can be the one that propels you forward towards the highest expression of yourself. Your next minute might be the moment you become your truest self. This is the gift that life provides every person.
With grit and determination, science supports the claim that you’re never too late to make a change. Your ability to progress is truly infinite. This is the transformation that’s always promised, but only if you choose to embrace the challenge. By nurturing a growth mindset and taking advantage of the power of neuroplasticity, the brain's ability to adapt and rewire itself is infinite over your lifetime. This is the miracle of life and the brain– the opportunity to rise above where you were or where you are is always in front of you, never behind.
No matter where you are today, aren’t you curious about how you can support your own flourishing through the voices in your mind? How can you nurture an encouraging voice? How can you channel your inner cheerleader? How do you fortify your confidence? How do you grow into the highest expression of yourself?
