The Hidden Costs of Digital Validations | #THINKINGHUES
Exploring the impacts of social media on self-worth and how it rewires your brain's pleasure and reward systems.
Off the coast of the island of the Gods, upon a traditional wooden boat, balanced on painted beams of bamboo, our boat halted. Amidst the vast expanse of the Eastern edges of the Bali Sea, against the backdrop of volcanic black sand shores cluttered with colonies of leaning palm trees, my attention was captivated at the sight of glistening grey tips in the distance. About two meters (approximately six feet) away, waves of synchronised light grey fins undulated out of the blue waters. A family of dolphins, with a baby tailing the pack, leapt above the shimmering ocean breeze in the glow of the picturesque September sun.
I was tempted at that moment to reach for my phone to capture this magnificent scene. But, I was quickly followed by the thought of realising the rarity of this view and decided to enjoy it offscreen instead. Although this moment will never be relieved through my photo library, its memory is forever etched into my memory and accompanied by a great story to tell. I was met with a profound sense of appreciation— for the rarity of the moment, but also for my refrain from interrupting the magic of the experience.
That moment prompted two reflections. First, even with such awe unfolding before my eyes, I was drawn to reach for my phone— all for the sake of the gram.
That I somehow preferred to view that once-in-a-lifetime moment through a screen instead of being able to enjoy the moment in real life surprised me. Second, despite efforts to reduce my dependency on social media over the last few years, its shocking influence on me remained.
Perhaps, what I was facing is how the prolonged and mindless engagement with social media over the years has conditioned my brain to automate itself towards seeking digital validations. It’s almost, as if, my brain was saying to itself, that the moment is only worthy if it’s shared with an extended network online.
Yet, of course, I know, this perspective is skewed. It’s why I’ve been proactive with digital detoxes and why I’ve purposely chosen to live life more in real life versus through a screen. But, it still catches me off-guard every time I catch myself.
Whether it’s validated by people on my network online or not, it felt strange to experience that dissonance firsthand. Of course, I knew life’s real moments matter more than what’s portrayed online, yet I still needed to stop myself from interrupting myself from being able to stay present.
But, if you recognise social media as a system designed for conditioning and addiction, then understanding why and why my brain reacted the way it did in that moment isn’t surprising.
As the social media industry is designed to reward you with its hits of pleasure, that’s akin to substances like cocaine and the use of addictive strategies to reel you in like on slot machines. With each “like” a dopamine surge occurs.
Dopamine is a neurotransmitter that sends messages between nerve cells and has a role in how you feel pleasure, so no human, no matter how great your self-control is, is immune to such alluring propositions.
As social creatures, humans have an innate desire for belonging. Harvard University’s longest study on life and happiness also concludes the quality of your positive relationships is the number one criterion for what leads to a longer life. So, while social media offers an expanded sense of community, it’s crucial to be able to distinguish the difference between these surface-level connections against the more important depths of in-person relationships.
What these billion-dollar tech companies fail to warn you about though, is how using their product over time will rewire your brain.
As an industry, they’ve been able to manipulate and capitalise on one essential human need— your need for belonging. Their algorithms play this innate need and optimise for social validation.
The more you share on social media, the more likes and engagements you’re likely to receive, and, perhaps (especially if you have a public account) your following will also grow. This not only increases the number of dopamine hits available to you, proportionate to your following, but it also inflates your sense of community and pleasure— while these positive numbers also satiate your need to feel like you belong. This is how they can create dependency and addiction, and perpetuate a vicious cycle of constant seeking of external social validations.
These online networks represent an exaggerated representation of your real-life network. What these platforms blur is the boundaries between potentially connecting you to millions of people versus the handful of deep relationships you can realistically maintain in person.
This unprecedented global connectivity is unique in humanity’s history and is what can skew your perception of what really matters. While social media allows you to control your own narrative, these digital portrayals can never encompass the complexity of who you are or replace the importance of real in-person connections, yet the level of dopamine elevation and the number of followers you may attract can often mask real value versus surface values. These online connections can create an illusion which feels like your needs are being met, but only if you continue to have positive reinforcements.
