The Books I'll Never Finish

And the guilt that no longer follows me.

These are the books I am currently reading—on and off, sometimes a little everyday, other days just a handful of times a month. Some have taken me the better part of the year to get almost half way, I’ve only made it passed a few pages on the second chapter with one—with weeks in between, but all are books I am currently reading.

I’m going to be honest with you.

Do I plan on finishing each book this year? Maybe, but maybe not.
Will I finish every book ever—hopefully, but I can’t guarantee.

Don’t get me wrong, I started each book with every intention to finish it.

But, it’s also true that we don’t all finish every book, neither do we have to. ;)

Do you ever feel guilty about not completing a book?

I used to feel silly when I got stuck on a book, or dumb when I needed to read slowly, inadequate for taking my time or felt embarrassed when I needed to re-read a chapter.

I used to associate the speed of reading with my level of general competence and the number of books I can read in a year as a mark of intelligence.

I also used to force myself to read a book cover to cover, even if I didn’t enjoy it (barely retaining any of it)—and probably why I ended up barely reading anything at all. Each book felt like dragging my feet through quicksand.

The false belief I held on to was that reading is difficult and must be hard to enjoy. That reading is always a struggle and that’s why it beneficial; growth through the grind.

Reading back then felt like a chore I need to keep convincing myself of.

I went through most of my life thinking that every book is a badge of honor to plow through then brag about.

I naturally only chose “smart” books. The titles that would mirror a good impression.

I thought grit was part of the equation and that getting through a book was as much the goal as it was the purpose—and I could barely recite anything as a result of it.

Then I recall Naval Ravikant mentioned in an interview how he often picks up a book, skims it, then bounces around to find the things that is interesting.

He admitted how he doesn’t feel the need to always finish a book, but reserves that honor for the things he finds interesting.

He thinks what you read matters less than the act of reading itself. That if you focus on developing the habit you’ll keep following what’s interesting and eventually will lead yourself reading things that are genuinely worth your time.

We often have specific ‘rules’ we’re attached to that govern our behaviours.

In the silos of our thoughts we create limitations on how we should behave. Sometimes these rules can feel like fixed concrete, permanently fortified in our minds.

Like we should feel shame and guilt for not finishing a book:

“That I am a failure for giving up on a book,” or
“I am unintelligent for failing to finish one.”

But, these simply are beliefs, not facts.

Whether through culture, society, or external circumstance, we each have our unique combination of invisible rules that govern how we see and behave in the world.

These ‘laws’ shape our worldview but are also a product of our imagination.

Entirely subjective yet dependent on the internal and external factors that informs these beliefs. Such beliefs are deeply wired into our patterns of thinking, often as a way to preserve an aspect of our identity, for belonging, or acceptance.

But, this doesn’t only apply to reading.

If we start to ask why—to challenge our beliefs—to investigate the layers and start to question, we’ll soon realise how we each also have the autonomy to decide whether to hold on or revise such beliefs.

What happens if you don’t finish a book?
What happens if you break the ‘rule’?
What happens if the opposite is true?

There are many books I’ve started but will never finish, yet the world moves on and I walk unscathed.

Ravikant goes on to say we can become so fixated about finishing a book that we can get stuck and stop reading altogether, or worse— fail to consider why we’re stuck in the first place. Is the book uninteresting? Is the book worth my finite hours?

Of course, as a species of eight billion we need some rules to govern us. Otherwise what would a world without people paying any attention to traffic lights look like?

Yet, there are some rules that feel immovable but are meant to be broken—or at least questioned.

This is how progress happens, in the spaces between straight lines or jagged and dotted lines exists unexplored realities that may seem small, but can cause ripples of change.

In the end, if the real goal is to keep reading, it’s not about what you read, how fast you read, or how you read, it’s more about what’s interesting enough to keep you reading that matters more.

What’s a major hurdle you’re facing that’s been made more difficult because of a belief you hold on to? Is the belief valid? Is the belief favourable to you?

"I was not scared to suck for years…I sucked at so much, but that’s how you get good.” — Sophia Roe

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