Joy is as unique as your DNA
How to return to authentic joy and how to feel like a kid in a candy store
Joy is having a cultural renaissance.
Marie Kondo’s Netflix moment (and yes, it says something when they give you a show) introduced the world to a distinctly Japanese way of honoring joy through the art of tidying up.
The basic principle to her method, to ask: does the thing you’re holding on to (or hoarding) spark joy? The greater challenge though is first to identify what joy is.
Joy is automatic and involuntary.
Joy is illusive, it’s subjective, and it’s a feeling versus a tangible thing that we can universally list characteristics for. Joy is presumably experienced similarly in different people, but we can only rely on anecdotal evidence of this.
The rest of joy is personal, it’s something that deeply mirrors who we are. Whether due to genetics, environment, or context, joy is as distinct as instinct, like the type of underwear you like to wear. I have my preference.
Once we know what sparks joy, we gain the power to create more of it.
While the absence of joy can serve as a compass pointing us towards where we need to create more boundaries, an abundance of joy becomes the best guide to the things we should welcome and make time for.
The capacity for joy is universal and innate.
Joy deserves our attention because these jolts of excitement, optimism, and energy stir our souls in ways that guide us toward what helps us thrive.
Why not spend more time doing the things that spark joy? Life is short and time is precious, yet surprisingly, this is easier said than done.
Do you know what actually sparks joy for you? Is it real joy, or is it the joy you anticipate because you’ve been told to expect it?
This episode on How to Be A Better Human podcast made me reconsider my encounters with joy.
Ingrid Fetell Lee has spent a decade studying the architecture of joy. She writes the blog The Aesthetics of Joy and authored the book “Joyful: The Surprising Power of Ordinary Things To Create Extraordinary Happiness,” (which I am eagerly awaiting).
Lee explains how because joy and happiness are often used interchangeably, that joy can be defined in relation to happiness.
Where happiness is “a broad evaluation of how we feel about our lives over time” like how we feel about our health, our work, whether we have a sense of meaning and purpose, and how connected we feel to others, joy is simpler and more immediate. Most psychologists define joy as “an intense momentary experience of positive emotion.”
Joy is visceral. We can measure it through direct physical expressions like smiling. We can feeling the adrenaline moving through our veins. Lee points to how children cannot hide their expressions of joy—joyfulness is a transparent and in-the-moment reaction that triggers unmistakable behaviors.
So how can we remember joy as our natural state?
We were once all joyful children, but experiences and environments beyond our control disrupted our natural ability for authentic joy.
The world has conditioned us to abandon our most authentic sense of joy in pursuit of belonging and acceptance. But joy is about leaning into your intuition and following your internal compass.
Remember, joy is as unique as your DNA.
There are no wrong answers—unless perhaps if you’re a serial killer who finds joy in harming others. Otherwise, most things are acceptable and distinct to you.
It’s not about imitating what brings others joy (although that’s a good place to start if you’re completely lost like I once was), nor is it about what the algorithm feeds you, neither is it about following the trends that you expect should give you joy.
Finding joy is simply about quieting down, silencing the noise, and asking: what is joy? And what sparks joy for me?
Sometimes speaking to yourself, out loud, in third person can help—though warning, doing this in public spaces might invite some peculiar stares. Ha ha.
#1 Joy is our natural state.
A child doesn’t need to be taught how to be joyful, they react joyfully on instinct. How did joy feel like to you as a child?
#2 ‘Joy spotting:’ the intentional act of tuning in and noticing what’s joyful for you.
You are entitled to joy, even as an adult. Noticing what brings you joy matters, because knowing what sparks joy in you is what will allow you to bring more joy into your everyday.
#3 Joy has an evolutionary purpose.
Joy helps us notice the things that make us thrive. Evolution would’ve done without joy if it was unnecessary.
#4 Recounting joyful moments will deepen our experience of joy.
Joy may be an acute momentary expression, but recalling the memories of those joyful moments can extend the lifetime of that joy.
Recall the emotions, remember the feelings, and recollect those moments.
Joy is always available to us, whenever we want to call on it.
for me recently:
i-D magazine’s glow-up (which I only recently noticed) and it’s stellar newsletter, which I read almost religiously.
When I scroll, my fetish is for quality interior porn. Currently obsessed with: Shop Quarters and In Common With, NYC.
This 90s Indonesian House track, that’s far beyond it’s years.