fearlessness, when possibility awaits
077 | ANEWWITHHUE: A monthly listicle to spark joy, creativity, and curiosity.
fear: a feeling of immense anxiety and anticipation of an unfavorable outcome
fear: an intense sensation of worry, that weighs heavily on a persons psyche
fear: a series of adverse visualizations of what may come
fear: the overwhelming anticipation of a detrimental result
fear: the projection of a less than favorable outcome
fear: a depleting perception and internalized reduction of what might happen
fear: the anticipation of a less than ideal, perhaps even devastating or destructive, result of what’s not yet, but that might happen
fear: a limiting belief that while can sometimes protect us, is often motivated by an irrational drive to protect one’s self from danger, embarrassment, or potential irreversible catastrophe
but always starting in the mind and body, perpetuating a cascade of other sensations of worst case scenarios gripping imaginations, corrupting the spirit of our souls; feeling weak and depleted,
fresh moment of fear:
like when i stood on the edge of a six meter jump, ready to take the leap; having jumped a 20 meter jump before, only to find myself frozen, failing to jump what was a mere quarter of what i had once dared; my prefrontal cortex has matured.
like when i was atop a beautiful baby break, staring at the reef ahead, suddenly paralyzed, unable to move, staying low, nearly flat on my belly to ride the wave
or like how i imagined the breakdown of a meaningful friendship, like lights flashing before my eyes; the unshakable feeling of a wallowing regression, only to realize it was much more devastating in my imagination;
feeling the reaction of a betrayal and conspiracy, most profoundly in my mind, potent in thoughts; as usual seemingly more real than reality itself: dashing and darting into unverified conclusions,
though never guaranteed, assuming the worst, telling myself my min is as steady as a sane companion
the world had ended more than a dozen times, as i cry into my palms, with my face melting into the cracks; my lines and wrinkles
has the walls collapsed or has the ground beneath my feet disappeared into a bottomless pit; a black hole of despair,
the world suddenly felt morbidly friendly,
fear is a delusion; a powerful illusion; casted, life lived within a particular veil, yet fear is also evolutionary; it’s what saved us from predators and dangerous ditches; but also a culprit to graveyards of regrets and what ifs
those of us who learn to face our fears,
learn to move forward in spite the resistance, building resilience through,
not without excuses, but with a survivalists attitude;
because it’s not that no one is absent of fear,
fear is omnipresent, it appears differently in every life,
even through one life.
the difference is: despite our fears; the questions are:
do you dare to be great
do you want to live your best life,
potential is waiting,
untapped or un-lived,
possibility is always waiting,
i am choosing to face one of my greatest fears,
forging ahead even when logically it doesn’t make sense,
crumbling beneath my feet,
there are days i feel i am walking on hot ash,
life is strange,
am i worthy?
am i enough?
am i on the right path?
nudging us towards the life
nagging at our souls;
that’s when fear gets the loudest,
it’s when fear starts to conspire,
in toils with our rationale;
to seem in favor of us;
yet to limit us from that ‘potential’ knocking at our doors
crippling me bare to my bones,
that’s when i know I am close.
i feel scared
but equally intrigued by the possibilities of what might be…
…so i hope you stay with me friend ;)
[if you’re a patron, stay tuned. i’m also always just an email away].
Enjoy this “final” edition.
Podcast. 10% Happier. It begins with a gun, a blank cheque, and a five-foot-one woman who was simply not having it. Ranjay Gulati was fourteen, frozen at the door of his home, when an enforcer sent to bully his mother off her own land drew a weapon; as he watched her cross the room and slap him across the face. Being scared, she told her son afterwards, doesn’t mean you do nothing. He carried the same of that spectacle for decades. Then he did what academics do: turned it into a research question. The answer became his book How to Be Bold, and it’s thesis is: courage is not a personality type. It’s a skill, with a syllabus. Nine C’s: coping, confidence, commitment, connection, comprehension, calm, clan, charisma, culture. Fear lives in uncertainty, and the antidote isn’t knowing more before you move—it’s moving in order to know. His mother’s calculus was never fearlessness. It was recognizing that waiting meant the gun came out next. The line between courage and recklessness is usually only drawn in hindsight; the real work is taming the fear enough to make the best available decision.
Podcast. Re:Thinking with Adam Grant. Frederick Backman has soled millions of books and still, with every single one, he hits a stretch of weeks where he’s convinced his career is over. What follow is one of the most disarming, unvarnished interviews you’ll hear: no polish, no performance, no pretense; just a man describing his own mind candidly the way you’d describe a difficult flatmate. He isn’t trying to pretend the process is easy. He’s operating on a rare setting: answering the interview questions while presenting himself accurately, rather than positively. In his vulnerability is how he shares his philosophies: procrastination reframed as productive incubation; as a sign that you haven’t given up. A thinking routine, kept even when the writing routine collapses. Measure effort as the daily metric, instead of outcomes which can be left for a longer horizon. Because we’ve been conditioned to chase happiness, and his therapist asked the question nobody asks: do you need to be happy? Or is it reasonable to aim for ok instead? Society tends to overvalue happiness. While it may sound like defeat, this framing is actually relief, because is it even realistic to expect happiness all the time? Because making peace with yourself isn’t indulgence, it’s an obligation; a service to the people who love you, as it will shift how you show up too. The punishing internal chatter that often feels so isolating is what Backman reveals as one of humanity’s most shared experiences. Thank you, Fredrik. I’ve never read any of his books, but now have the intension of making my way through them soon oneday.
Podcast. How We Future: Stories of Hope, Hype, and Gratitude. Tina Seelig has spent 26 years watching Stanford students squeeze the juice from every opportunity while others walk straight past the same open doors. She has finally written down the difference. In conversation with Lisa Kay Solomon, neuroscientist turned educator, they dismantle one belief: fortune is what happens to you, outside of your control, like the weather, your parents, and timing. But luck, is how you answer those moments. We live in a constant dance between the two, and the gap between them is where agency lives. Her metaphor: luck is like wind. Always blowing, entirely invisible, completely useless without a sail. So build your ship, set sail. Values are your anchors. Recruit your crew, because luck almost always arrives through other people. Then hoist the sail. The hidden thesis is: appreciation. The thing you do, to close the loop with actual people, because those genuine actions of gratitude are what compounds like interest, on timescales longer than you can ever imagine. One practical tip: retire imposter syndrome and rename it as improvement syndrome instead. How We Future is also on Substack, by the way. Seelig’s book: What I Wish I Knew When I Was 20, is dated, but a great read by the way.
Talk. Stanford Graduate School of Business: Graham Weaver. “How to Win Without Crushing Your Soul.” Graham Weaver spent thirty years sprinting through school, through hundred-hour weeks on Wall Street, and through fourteen years building his own firm, towards what he thought would be the day when he’d finally feel enough. Reality hit him hard, crying behind closed doors, he shares a counter-intuitive insight to typical business-school wisdom: we’re all playing two games at once, external and internal and while we tend to pour everything into the former, it’s also the one that can never love us back. His prescription is in three parts. First, fire your inner coach that berates you, as it’s fear in disguise. Then pull the nails from your head, because everything you want live on the other side of “worse first.” Third, remember to trust that second voice, the one that speaks to you in energy rather than dread. The question that follows you out of the room: are you unclear, or are you afraid? As I said above, currently friends, I am afraid. Your soul knows the answer; the rest is about a negotiation with that fear that lives inside of you. So stop running, you’ve already arrived. These are the good old days, that always were is the wisdom Weaver is sharing.
And friends this is why I am about to entertain possibility, listen to my soul, and to see what’s on the other side of worst first: to do the thing my soul always knew but have been hiding from.
Mini-doc. The Urban Electric. “A Legendary Window Designer Returns After Decades To Take On His Biggest Project Ever.” A charming reminder for how many lives can fit inside one. Not just how much a person can accomplish, but how many different kinds of self they allow themselves to be along the way. We spend so much effort trying to define ourselves by a single role, a single vocation, a single type: and suddenly the whole exercise starts to look small next to the simpler art of simply staying true to whatever feels most true in the moment. Welcoming evolution, because change is inevitable anyways. As as city Manhattan has always symbolized the expanse of possibility for me—and Robert Rufino’s story reminded me of why; not only of the city’s magnetic charm, but of why we can stay true to ourselves while also honoring the different pulls in life. He was never just one thing, a multi-hyphenate is not a new invention.
Friends, this is bittersweet.
I’ve poured my heart and soul into these editions these past few years, but I feel a new iteration; a new expression, something else is necessary at this point.
To stay true to my soul.
I can no longer ignore what it has been screaming about.
The truth is, if I think about it too much, it doesn’t feel rational.
But it’s time to take another leap.
There’s a reason why it’s called faith.
:) i promise i’ll be back (in some shape or form) soon!
as always thank you so much for trusting me,
and for spending some of your day with me.
[if you’re a patron and would like a refund, you can email me directly, but if you’ve trust me enough to hit pay, then this is the moment that i hope you stay attuned]
i’ve always considered myself an artist first.
Happy Friday.