Day 019. Breaking the Scroll: 91 Days Off Social Media & Rediscovering Life IRL
A Millennial's Digital Detox Diaries: Life is simply meant to be lived, not for an audience.
Social media normalises life to be lived for others versus for ourselves. We’re made to believe, that life is meant for an audience.
We seek the validation, the approval, and the belonging.
Yet, in the quiet confinements of my self-imposed Instagram sabbatical, I am noticing the authenticity of my desires and thoughts more.
Instagram, I realise, is like adult show and tell.
Remember that thing we used to do in school to help us with public speaking?
But, its show and tell on steroids— because it’s available 24/7.
Instead of choosing one thing to show on one special occasion, we’re thrusted into a world where show and tell is everyday, always, and all the time.
What happen to living just for living?
As a millennial, I am the last generation to still recall a life before social media. It’s a sobering to confront, that younger generations have never and will never know a world without social media.
We are nearly at the end of this series!
I’ll continue to write Mondays through Fridays until the end of October. Then I’ll be starting on a new adventure for this newsletter—something’s cooking. Stay tuned!
Starting next week, I’ll only be sending you one email a week, which will include a recap on the week’s publishing.
If you’re new here or just dropping by,…
…you can start to receive my newsletters directly in your inbox by subscribing today. Or, if you’re not ready to commit yet, you can leave a one-off thank you here to show your support. You can also tweak your email settings here, once you’re subscribed.
I recently encountered illuminating wisdom from Bronnie Ware’s book.
In “The Top Five Regrets of the Dying—A Life Transformed by the Dearly Departing” Ware shares of her experience in palliative care, offering an inside glimpse into the reflections of those facing their mortality. The book distills the most common regrets expressed by people nearing the end of their lives.
Here’s a summary of the main points, from a blog post I came across:
With additional personal commentary in italics.
When questioned about any regrets they had or anything they would do differently, common themes surfaced again and again. Here are the most common five:
1. I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.
This was the most common regret of all. When people realise that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people had not honoured even a half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made, or not made.
It is very important to try and honour at least some of your dreams along the way. From the moment that you lose your health, it is too late. Health brings a freedom very few realise, until they no longer have it.
This is a common theme to many of the questions I ask myself.
For a long time I had been living for the approval of others. I spent a lot of time and energy trying to people please. Often very unsuccessfully too.
Sometimes I still catch myself worrying so much about what others want, expect, and think of me, that I end up paralysing myself from hearing myself and what I truly desire. I can even get confused, whether the things I pursue is really for me or for something or someone else.
I am still learning how to listen to myself. I am still uncovering my truest self.
2. I wish I hadn’t worked so hard.
This came from every male patient that I nursed. They missed their children’s youth and their partner’s companionship. Women also spoke of this regret. But as most were from an older generation, many of the female patients had not been breadwinners. All of the men I nursed deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on the treadmill of a work existence.
By simplifying your lifestyle and making conscious choices along the way, it is possible to not need the income that you think you do. And by creating more space in your life, you become happier and more open to new opportunities, ones more suited to your new lifestyle.
3. I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings.
Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others. As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming. Many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result.
We cannot control the reactions of others. However, although people may initially react when you change the way you are by speaking honestly, in the end it raises the relationship to a whole new and healthier level. Either that or it releases the unhealthy relationship from your life. Either way, you win.
There’s a saying that sometimes the most difficult of conversations is actually the one that’s most revealing, revelational, and healing. I’ve experienced versions of this many times in my life.
4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.
Often they would not truly realise the full benefits of old friends until their dying weeks and it was not always possible to track them down. Many had become so caught up in their own lives that they had let golden friendships slip by over the years. There were many deep regrets about not giving friendships the time and effort that they deserved. Everyone misses their friends when they are dying.
It is common for anyone in a busy lifestyle to let friendships slip. But when you are faced with your approaching death, the physical details of life fall away. People do want to get their financial affairs in order if possible. But it is not money or status that holds the true importance for them. They want to get things in order more for the benefit of those they love. Usually though, they are too ill and weary to ever manage this task. It all comes down to love and relationships in the end. That is all that remains in the final weeks, love and relationships.
This is something I am investing more time into. Even if friends are spread across the world, that’s the beauty of technology and FaceTime.
5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.
This is a surprisingly common one. Many did not realise until the end that happiness is a choice. They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. The so-called ‘comfort’ of familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as their physical lives. Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to their selves, that they were content. When deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have silliness in their life again.
When you are on your deathbed, what others think of you is a long way from your mind. How wonderful to be able to let go and smile again, long before you are dying.
Life is a choice. It is YOUR life. Choose consciously, choose wisely, choose honestly. Choose happiness.
This is an interesting one. What struck me most is the poignant reminder that “when you are on your deathbed, what others think of you is a long way from your mind.”
In fact, I feel, in taking myself off Instagram, I’ve felt suddenly more free and less concerned about what everyone else think of me.
Life is not meant for an audience.
Life is meant to be lived for me;
and the loving people I keep close.
Life is a medium,
to express myself,
to be my most authentic,
to pursue my highest expressions,
to be true, without reservations;
life is simply about living.
To live well,
as myself,
by our whims,
and standards.
With or without an audience,
my life is whole.
The value of my life is not attached to an app or an algorithm.
Without Instagram,
I am reminded: life can be enjoyed in itself, for itself,
enjoyed in the intimate moments,
for it’s own sake—and nothing else.
Day 018. Breaking the Scroll: 91 Days Off Social Media & Rediscovering Life IRL
📢❗🚨 We are nearly at the end of our series. 📢❗🚨
Day 017. Breaking the Scroll: 91 Days Off Social Media & Rediscovering Life IRL
Without Instagram, I do feel like I am missing something—perhaps a sense of daily connection to things beyond my immediate surroundings or a lack of easil…
This series is accessible and open to all readers interested!
Feel free to share this with someone who might enjoy it. You can forward this or hit the ‘❤️’ button below so more people can find their way to this, too.
You can subscribe today if you want to receive these editions directly into your inbox or upgrade your subscription to access the full archives, the Members Only library, bitesize, poems with audio recordings—or simply upgrade to support my work.
Stay tuned for the next edition!
Thank you for spending some of your day with me.