Day 010. Breaking the Scroll: 91 Days Off Social Media & Rediscovering Life IRL

A Millennial's Digital Detox Diaries. My mind is feeling a lot lighter each day.

If you’re new here or just dropping by, welcome!

This October, I am writing a daily series (Mondays through Fridays) chronicling my eighth time on an Instagram sabbatical. I’ve welcomed this annual ritual since 2016, but this year, I am doing my longest departure and documenting my daily insights for you.

What you can expect are experimental newsletters, in form, styles, and subjects!

I am as excited as you are to discover what my creativity will come up with in the absence of Instagram. I can’t promise what each new day will bring, but I promise I have plenty of thoughts sprouting.

Follow along and receive these directly in your inbox by subscribing today. Or, if you’re not ready to commit you can leave me a one-off thank you here to show your support. If you’re subscribed and your inboxes feel under siege, you can tweak your settings here.

Stay tuned—for a little while—to see what I’ll create.
You can follow along this series and access previous editions here.

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It’s wild!

I tried checking Instagram—again— a few more times over the past few days; three times today.

It’s been over a week, and the habit of going into the app— despite the absence of a dopamine reward— is still tough to shake. The behaviour is that wired into my brain and neural pathways. Scary!

But, at least, my mind feels a lot lighter each new day.

I even started painting again (hooray!), which I haven’t felt like doing for a while.

I am the type of painter who needs inspired assurance. I need to feel the spark and stimulation before I set time aside to play with some paint.

It’s rare I go into it with an idea of what I’ll finish with.

My favourite mode of painting is abstract expressionism.

Formless.
Absent of a subject.
Spontaneous, intuitive, and entirely improvised.

I seek a feeling.

It’s a play on colours, textures,
and gestures of intent and motion.

The process is necessarily personal;
and, completely cathartic.

Painting is therapy.

I choose colours and create textures not for any other reason then to lean into what I am compelled towards.

Entirely in the moment, never towards a pre-determined destination, but the results are often also intriguing.

As I squeeze, splat, guide, glide and flick paint around, I feel driven (if not perhaps coerced by something other)— beyond myself, but also existing somewhere within.

I follow a feeling.

There’s little deliberation on the result or the end.

All I do is open myself up to the all possibilities; I trust, I listen, and I create.

What am I encouraged towards?

I paint through encouraged actions—by way of intuitive nudges, a wave of my hand, a flick of the wrist, a tilt to a specific degree, a squirt, a slant, a smear with a feathery or heavy hand.

I entertain all the unexpected dollops and drops of hues; met with slathers and sprays of spontaneous smudges and careful lifts, pulls, and taps.

In glee, I am most at ease, observing the glisten of velvety, buttery drips of glossy gloop.

I am guided; I respond and react to the subtle evolutions of what unfolds.

I am channeling a flow; a process, I welcome the journey of engaging with the materials I’ve chosen.

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I am obedient to my hunches.

I paint on the floor.
Never on an easel.
Rarely with an actual brush.
Typically from a bird’s eye view,
with a stick, a palette knife, or the unused case of an old kitchen knife.

This is what I’ve been using.
I haven’t ventured too far elsewhere, so far.
Neither have I felt the need to deviate from this process—just yet.

Seeing the evolutions of colour palettes; it’s a marvel of its own.

Appearing as a kind of mirror to my mind’s states, each painting, as a portal into my psyche of either a dated self or a witness to my current evolutions.

Marvelling at the gaps between my memory and my present perceptions, I look at old paintings and feel very differently about each of them. Most of what I painted before are often in contention to the feelings I feel now, or felt when I first finished them.

Shades of jet black, rich black, or obsidian black, I recall was where I wanted to start—as dark as dark can get—in the pandemic lockdowns.

In older paintings, slashes, splashes, and splats of platinum white and cadmium yellow—joined later by ultramarine blues—the trio united in violent layers. These volatile movements created unintentional and intense textures, of wild, dense asymmetries.

A year ago or so, though, I moved on to earthier tones.

The yellows I once admired now feels abrupt, jarring, and much too confronting.

I typically, begin with a base, more recently favouring raw sienna—an earthy and grounding brown. This foundation complemented by streaks of platinum white, charcoal black, Naples, umber, and cadmium yellows too.

Yet, recently, I’ve also enjoyed starting on white negative spaces—this weekend I surprised myself.

I am perhaps reflecting a calmer moment in my life: buff titanium beige was my chosen protagonist.

Ignoring the yellows and the blues, I gravitated towards calmer hues. White on beige with hints of silver, as the focal points; it feels like a neutralisation of my moods too.

I thought it would be fun to infuse an analysis on colour theory today, as I newly venture into a minimalist aesthetic.

Let’s see what the science says!

Beige:

• Calmness and Simplicity: Beige is often associated with a sense of tranquility and uncomplicated elegance. What a departure from the volatility and gaudiness of my 20s. Give me more of both please, thank you!

• Neutrality and Versatility: As a neutral colour, beige is highly adaptable and can complement various colour schemes. I feel much more fluid in my days, where flexibility to adapt to the uncertainty of what lies ahead makes the most sense for me today.

• Natural and Organic Quality: It evokes connections to natural materials and earthy tones. I am finding a lot of balance through brief jaunts in nature.

• Stability and Support: Beige can convey a feeling of reliability and security in design. This is the most secure, in myself and my life, I’ve ever felt before. Hello 30s!

White:

• Purity and Innocence: It’s often associated with cleanliness and virginity. I feel this Instagram detox has been a real cleanse to my soul. A return to the naïveté of having limited stimulations; feels kind of nice for a change.

• New Beginnings: White represents a black canvas, signifying a fresh start and potential. I am in the middle of a pivot, of betting on myself as a full time creative.

• Clarity and Illumination: It’s linked to knowledge, insight, and mental focus. Without the distraction of Instagram, I am certainly more clear minded. I also feel illuminated with fresh insights.

• Equality and Unity: White contains an equal balance of all colours in the spectrum. Balanced is what I feel most today, my life today is certainly representative of this.

Silver:

• Reflection and Illumination: It’s associated with mental clarity and lighting the way forward. This is a moment of deep reflections and illumination has definitely been a consistent theme.

• Feminine Energy: Silver is connected to lunar symbolism and fluid, emotional qualities. I’ve never felt more feminine, as a tomboy in my youth, this is a revelation.

• Prestige and Wealth: Is often seen as glamorous and sophisticated, not in the superficial sense, but in signalling a time for reflection and a change of direction. It is seen as an illumination to a path forward. Fascinating insights, as I am in the midst of a major life pivot.

• Balance and Stability: Silver is believed to restore equilibrium in both spiritual and material realms. I’ve reached a state of equilibrium, where I am happy, content, and feel connected to myself.

In this intuitive style of self-expression, I feel the creative process transcends mere aesthetics. The result serves as a portal into my subconscious mind, it reveals unexpected truths of profound significance; if I pay attention and look closely enough.

Try it out yourself and share your experience with me.

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Thank you for spending some of your day with me.