As the year comes to a close | #THINKINGHUES
Lessons I had to learn the hard way.
Today, as we inch closer to the end of the year, I can’t help but be in a state of immense reflection.
This year hasn’t been one of the easiest years for me. I went through a lot of personal and professional changes alongside the chaos that’s erupted in the world. Some were shifts beyond my control and others were decisions I made in trust of my intuition, but undoubtedly has shaken any residue of a routine I had in my life. I admit, some days were painful, while others were challenging, to say the least.
Though while there were also many moments of joy and celebrations intertwined, I won’t deny the fact that the theme for me this year, as I look back and reflect, was predominantly about embracing discomfort and uncertainty in trust of greater growth.
Most of the months were uphill battles. Maintaining perseverance and forging resilience were my lifelines. The struggle some days was indeed very real! I cried a lot, more than usual, but I also laughed and celebrated when I survived each testing.
But, ultimately, I stuck through it all, with the help of an intimate close circle of loved ones I am beyond grateful to have to lean on. Life is indeed a lot better when you have people who matter to share it with.
As we near the end of November, it is with great gratitude I share the lessons my new self walks forward with this year. I can feel that I am so much stronger in my sense of self, a lot clearer in my vision for my life and my future, and more certain than ever in the mission I feel called to serve. So, here are some of the most important lessons I am looking into the horizons with:
1. Not everyone will always understand your decisions and that’s OK.
One of the most valuable lessons I’ve learned this year is how important it is to trust your intuition. It’s easy to fall into the trap of idolising others and trying to mimic their path, but wisdom comes to those who follow their own compass. It may not always feel like the rational thing to do, but if your heart calls you to make a change, it’s always best to listen to it— no matter how many people or what others might say to you.
While taking advice from others can be helpful, sometimes relying on everyone else’s advice may not be the right choice because most of the time it’ll add to your confusion, especially if the advice goes against what your instinct is telling you.
2. Don’t lose yourself in what others think about you or what others think is best for you.
No one knows you like you do. You are the only one who truly knows and understands all the intimate desires and all the unexplored, perhaps suppressed identities of yours.
Those other parts of you that no one else gets to see, the parts of you stereotypes and biases often obscures others from seeing the real you, are the parts of you that make you unique. Every part of you matters, so when you’re taking advice from someone, realise that they are only giving you advice from the parts of you they know or think they know. But, you always know yourself best, if you take the time to quiet down the noise and try your best to listen to what your soul is telling you.
3. Other people’s advices are most often a projection of their own values, experiences, and fears.
While advice giving is often a well-intentioned and generous gift from others who care about you, take advice from others with a grain of salt because most of the time the advice of others is a projection of their own biases and stereotypes.
How each person sees the world is based on their experience and exposures so while I don’t deny that most people who share their advice mean well, especially those who are closest to you, most of the time they either have no idea who the real you is or are clouded by their own traumas and limited perspective.
4. Cultivating your own sense of self, separate from external validation is critical.
In the age of social media, it’s even more tempting to seek external validation and find a sense of belonging through the number of followers, likes, and engagements you receive online. However, this can lead to a fragile self-worth, that is reliant on external factors, rather than grounded in an inherent knowing of intrinsic value and genuine connections.
While social media and external validation can provide a temporary measure of self-worth, these platforms fail to teach us the most important lesson of all: how to value yourself unconditionally, independent of the approval of others.
One of the most profound realisations I’ve had this year is that my worth is not determined by what I do, by my online presence, nor by the opinions of others. That no matter what, my life in the real world intrinsically matters, and so do I— simply by being alive.
Self-love is a transformative realisation and the greatest gift you can give to yourself, especially when it empowers you to validate your own sense of success and worth. It’s an ongoing journey that’ll evolve throughout your lifetime, but what a privillege it is to sit on the other side of it— of truly grasping self-worth independent of the validation, approval, and accolades.
I used to look for external validations through popularity and approval, but this pursuit was a slippery slope of constant self-sabotage because no matter how hard I tried, there’s always someone that seems to be doing better than you.
Because here’s a hard truth, there’s always someone that’s better than you by every metric you try to measure yourself by— skill, talent, wealth, experiences, etc. But if you focus too much on what everyone else is doing you’ll lose yourself in the competition.
You will never be liked by everyone, approved by everyone, or are able to please everyone all the time. Knowing this is freedom because what’s even more liberating to know is that you are always in control of how you see and treat yourself.
As the saying goes, focus on what you can control versus what is beyond your reach. Self-love and self-compassion are undoubtedly always within your control, all the time and it holds the power to transform you for the better, forever! It’s worth all your effort to grow more into everyday, no matter how hard the pursuit is.
FYI
I wanted to remind you, that I will slow down in December. I will tell you more about what will happen as we close in on December. Stay tuned.
If you’re new to this community, I warmly invite you to explore the archives, where you’ll find a rich library of insights and knowledge I’ve poured my heart into sharing with you over the past couple of months.
But, as usual, if you have any feedback or questions, please do not hesitate to reach out, you can reach by email at hello@thehappyhue.com.
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